Regression

I can't help but feel as if Gali and I are in a rut, and a downward slide.  When I first moved him to BTF, he was on his third month of lameness from ringbone, and I was absolutely dying to get back in the saddle.  Once he regained his soundness (thanks to a great team of horsepeople and 24/7 turnout), I felt like a completely different rider.  When I was at Nouveau, I was afraid to ride him outside much.  He knew this, and he'd mess with me by getting strong, bolting, and ignoring my aids.  Right before he went lame, I had begun to really work on this, but I left Nouveau for a slew of reasons and haven't looked back.

Me, usually.

Me, over the summer.  Who is this?  

Anyway, back to what I was saying.  Once he was sound again, I didn't let my fears control me.  I hopped on and rode him outside - we have no indoor, so I had no choice - and slowly built up my confidence.  I took him around the track alone and in company at all three gaits and even a little bit of gallop - an incredible step up for my Chuckie Finster self.  Gali seemed to take up a similar disposition - he was no longer Mr. Spookvember, and not feeling the need to take off every time he didn't want to work.  We had a lot of good times around the track, in the jump field, and in the side ring of the arena.  I felt that we were ready for 'real-people' things like shows, hunter paces, and clinics.  I really began to believe in us as a pair.

And suddenly, that's all gone.  I'm not sure if it was his awful behavior outside before the Lendon clinic (although he was lovely inside), or the fact that he's been super spooky lately, or if I'm just shaken up because I haven't been riding regularly, but I'm falling back into that fear zone.  I hope it's temporary and I hope it will go away the more I force myself to get on and get out.  I have to remember how good he is on trails with everyone else (and even me, despite photo evidence suggesting otherwise), and that if he does take off, he'll have to stop eventually.

Back to being terrified, but at least I can joke about it!

I also have to stop making excuses.  His teeth were fine, despite being overdue.  My vet doesn't think there are any mineral imbalances because Gali's on a full ration of grain, but he suggested magnesium if I am really worried.  I don't think it's that, really.  His sheath wouldn't case him to spook at leaves and peacocks.  He's just got a lot of pent-up energy, and I need to get back to directing that energy like I did when he came back after a three month layoff.

He's always going to be a challenging horse, and unless I learn to control my anxiety, he's always going to get the best of me.  I just wish all of those "I should"s and "I need to"s were as easy to do as they are to write.